The Rainbow Connection
by Stella McCoy
Summary: In Insurrection, we saw some dramatic changes in the relationship of Will and Deanna. As the Enterprise departs the Ba'ku planet, where do they go from here?
1. Why are there so many songs about rainbo...

The Rainbow Connection  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~Alas, a thanks to Dusha, for beta-ing my stories. And I don't own Star Trek, in any incarnation. If I only did, what wouldn't I do...And the title "The Rainbow Connection" is in fact a song title, unowned by me, and I suppose you'll just have to see if the lyrics make a gratuitous cameo.~*~  
  
Commander William Riker shifted in his chair. First he stretched out his legs, then crossed them, then finally settled to sit ramrod-straight. It made it easier to think.  
  
His experience on the Ba'ku homeworld had done nothing to soothe the uneasiness that had filtered into his mind occasionally since Tom Riker's appearance several years ago. Tom represented the Will Riker he'd once been, the one who was still resolute in his love for a certain Betazoid. The Will Riker he was today was no longer sure if his career deserved the importance he'd placed on it so many years ago.  
  
A small part of him thought that perhaps the renewed blossom of love he and Deanna had shared had to do with the youthful energies of the planet. He knew damn well that he'd always love her; it was merely a question of how he loved her. Was it the romantic nature of the past few days, or was it the comfortable feel of friendship deeper than an ocean?  
  
Not for the first time did he wish he could accurately examine his feelings and pronounce a sentence on them, like a judge at the trial of his emotions. His thoughts were muddied, as though he'd taken a tumble and was now giddy from the fall. It was unlike him to second-guess himself this way, but under the circumstances he felt justified to do so. Things had changed between him and Deanna, of that he was sure. In his mind, it was enough to reexamine the way their relationship was going.  
  
Her mother wouldn't be a problem. Lwaxana adored him; everyone on the ship knew that. She would approve of their marriage...  
  
He sighed, seemingly loud because of the silence in his quarters. He wasn't even sure if he wanted a relationship, yet here he was, daydreaming about marrying Deanna, just as he'd done since leaving the Ba'ku planet, since leaving the Briar Patch, since the senior staff meeting this morning...  
  
Deanna was no fool; she'd know what he was thinking about. She'd seen through every ploy when he met her, knowing in her gut that he was lying when he said he wasn't thinking about her. She was probably aware of his conflicted emotions even now, wherever she happened to be.  
  
From his perspective, he'd better talk to her before she began to think that he didn't care. That was the last thing he wanted. After all, it would be nice to be romantically involved with her again. Of all the women he'd dated, she was the only one who was on his mind more often than not. The others had all passed into the golden land of fond memories, but Deanna was split between this wonderful land and the land of daydreams.  
  
He really needed to find her.  
  
* * * * *  
  
To be continued when I find the time. :) What did you think? Does it suck? Do you like it? Should I even bother to keep going with it? Review, people! 


	2. And what's on the other side?

            Deanna Troi sat in her quarters, blankly staring at her computer terminal. After a moment, she sighed, giving up on a futile task. Turning to her replicator, she ordered hot chocolate and watched it materialize.

            When her door chimed, she hurriedly swallowed the hot mouthful and called out, "Come in." She smiled as she saw who it was. "Will," she greeted, setting the mug down. "What brings you here?"

            He smiled, his blue eyes lit from within. "I need to talk to you," he replied, his voice taking on the same playful edge.

            She tilted her head slightly, sitting on the sofa. "Well, what about?"

            He sat beside her, taking one of her hands in his. "I've been thinking lately..."

            She ignored the sensations it caused and focused her attention on Will. "What about?" she asked, her face beckoning him to open up to her.

            Abruptly he stood, pacing her quarters and running a hand through his already disheveled hair.

            "Will?" she asked, standing and studying him with a concerned expression. She stopped his pacing by putting her hands on his shoulders. "What is it?"

            He reached up, taking her hands off his shoulders and into his hands. "Imzadi, I..."

            Deanna looked into his vivid blue eyes, seeing the passion and love within as her empathic sense flowed over her, surrounding her with his love. Her instinct was to shy away from it, the memories of their past washing over her and doing battle with the love she felt emanating from the man before her. She wanted desperately to return his ardor, but she couldn't find a base for it.

            Her time on the Ba'ku planet had been spent thinking back over her time with Will, debating the decisions the two of them had made. Since her return from the Ba'ku planet, she had noticed a decline in those feelings of love that had permeated her existence there. Now, seeing Will's eyes burn with the same passions instigated by the youthful energies of the planet, she felt an incredible feeling of remorse for the pain she was about to deliver.

            She disentangled her hands, retreating from him to a safe distance. She could sense his puzzlement as she found the words to explain the conflict in her heart. "Will, I can't."

            Will stood in shock, trying to comprehend what she was saying. "Imzadi, why?"

            "I do love you," she began, the hurt she felt emanating from him causing her to choke up. "I just don't love you the way you want me to." She was trying to distance herself from his pain, the pain that she had caused him, but it managed to eke through the mental barriers she had. "Will, I--"

            "No need to explain, Deanna," he cut her off. "I understand that I was wrong to push a dead issue, especially when I misunderstood your feelings on the matter."

            "Will, I'm sorry," she told his turned back, trying to push her own pain to help with his. "I just don't love you as a lover, but as my dearest friend."

            The words gave him little comfort. "I understand," he said quietly. "At least I have your friendship." Without another word, he strode quickly out of her quarters.

            After his presence moved away from her, Deanna sat heavily on her sofa, wondering why she felt half-torn.

            Outside his own quarters, Will Riker leaned heavily against a bulkhead, replaying the ghastly scene in his head. "I'll just have to win her over," he murmured, the thought bringing a splash of color to his otherwise gray world. "I'll have to change her mind, and her heart."

* * * 

Don't forget to review, people! Thanks to those of you who have already reviewed, and thanks again to Dusha for being a beautiful beta. You know I love ya, girlie.


	3. Rainbows are visions, but only illusions

Sorry I've been so...inactive, intrepid audience of mine. Read, review, and be proud of me for finally updating the gem of my collection.

            Beverly Crusher's eyes gleamed and she leaned forward expectantly. "So then what happened?"

            Deanna poked listlessly at her chocolate ice cream. "He said that at least he had my friendship, and then he left." With a complete lack of enthusiasm, she scooped up a little of the melting chocolate concoction and placed the spoon in her mouth.

            "Deanna! I thought you wanted him to admit that he loved you! All the time you were with Worf you kept telling me--"

            "Oh Beverly," Deanna interjected woefully, "I'm not sure what I want anymore. I thought I wanted for Will and me to be together, and the time on the planet was wonderful, but..." She paused, trying to verbalize the feelings in her heart. "But I wonder if the feelings we had were real."

            "Did you think they were real?"

            Deanna looked despairingly at her earnest companion. "I--thought so, but now I'm not sure." She swirled the contents of her bowl around. "You know Will. He's very passionate, but he doesn't take the time to evaluate the sincerity of his feelings. He takes his first inclination and runs with it. That's part of the reason he's such a good officer."

            "But Will's instincts are usually correct," Beverly said gently. "Will is also good at knowing how he feels right off the bat."

            Deanna sighed. "I--don't know what to think about him, Beverly. I can't tell if I long for the beautiful past we had together or I genuinely want a future with him. I can't tell if his feelings are sincere or if the Ba'ku energies are influencing him."

            Beverly's eyes were sympathetic. "I don't envy you, Deanna. You have a difficult determination to make. Will loves you, in many senses of the word. He values your advice and your friendship. He turns to you when he needs help. That you all know to be true, but could any of it survive in a romantic relationship? Would it be irrevocably changed?" With a smile, she got up and left Deanna staring into space and idly swirling the melted ice cream.

* * * * *

            "That's rough, Commander," Geordi stated bluntly, studying the Engineering consoles as he listened to Will relate his episode with Deanna. "Sounds like she's confused."

            "Confused?" Will had been hoping for a straight, clear cut issue: either Deanna loved him or she didn't. He could form a plan once he knew exactly what he was up against. But if she was confused, it would be harder to deal with the situation.

            "I don't think she knows how she feels, Commander. She's conflicted."

            Geordi detected the anguish in Will's eyes before his voice mournfully said, "What can I do, Geordi? How can I convince her?"

            Geordi shrugged. "I don't know. The counselor needs to discover for herself how she feels before she can make that evident to you."

            Will was torn. "But what can I do in the meantime?"

            "Keep going like you've always been going. Give her time without pressuring her to make a decision."

            "Do you think she'll make one?"

            Geordi's blue implants showed his sympathy. "You've given her a lot to think about. I think she'll have to, even if that decision is inaction."

            Will cast one sorrowful look at him before turning and leaving Engineering.

* * * *

I know it's not much, guys, but read and review anyway. I'll try to have more soon. Authoress's honor. :)


	4. And rainbows have nothing to hide

The Rainbow Connection #4: And Rainbows Have Nothing to Hide

Sorry this took so long, guys. I'd promise y'all a rose garden, faster updates, etc. etc…but it's very possible that I'd be lying, so I won't. Enjoy, and hope the next comes sooner.

The forests surrounding Valdez, Alaska had always held a sense of comfort and security for Will. In the summer, the verdant, lush forests rang with the melodious sounds of the local wildlife, providing him with a calm atmosphere that could clear the head and reveal a new path.

That was why Deanna had come here, to this particular program in the holodeck. She needed some sense of peace to give her the clarity she desperately needed. She wanted to erase the troubled look in her eyes, to ease the lines of doubt from her face. She needed to be sure she'd done the right thing.

Naturally, she thought to herself as she wandered through the forest, I have to do this myself. There's no one to do it for me. She ducked under a low branch, her depthless, worried eyes studying what she'd stumbled into.

She stood now in a clearing with two decently-sized, perfect-for-sitting-on boulders in the middle of it. From where she stood, she could see that several paths led in and out of this clearing, twisting and turning back into the forest.

She let out a small laugh. "If this isn't somehow fitting, I don't know what is." Making her way to a boulder and sitting pensively on it. She ran a hand through her luscious brown hair, just beginning to streak with gray. "I'm getting older," she murmured. "It's time I settled down, had a husband and children." She paused, a memory stirring in her mind causing the corners of her lips to tilt upward. "Just like Mother's been hounding me to do, for all these years." She could hear her mother now, see her as clearly as though she sat on the rock next to her.

_Darling, Commander Riker is perfect for you! Oh, get him, come home, and we'll celebrate in a way befitting a daughter of the Fifth House!_

"No," Deanna whispered. "That isn't what I want."

_Isn't it_? The wide-eyed echo of Lwaxana asked.

"No," Deanna repeated.

_Oh, Little One, you can't run from him forever._

"No," she said again, "but time away--time to think--is what I need." She could make a better decision away from him, in a place where she could figure things out.

* * *

"Betazed?" Jean-Luc Picard echoed his counselor, who stood before him in his ready room. "You want some shore leave time?"

She nodded. "Please, Captain."

"Deanna, I don't mean to pry, but…" Jean-Luc turned sympathetic eyes to her, motioning her to sit, "…if this is about Will…"

She sat miserably in a chair. "So you know."

He gave her a small smile, folding his hands in front of him. "There's hardly a person onboard who doesn't."

A weak laugh came from Deanna, filled with embarrassment, defeat, frustration, and irony. "At least I'm fueling the gossip channels," she managed.

"Deanna, if you're going to Betazed to escape him…"

"I'm not, Captain. I just need time--"

"--to figure things out." The captain smiled gently. "Yes, I thought as much. But if I may, I'd like to offer you some advice."

"Any help is appreciated." Deanna leaned forward eagerly.

"Erase all other voices from your mind, except your own, and listen to it." He smiled at her fondly. "You're cleared to leave tomorrow."

* * *

It was late when she stood expectantly outside Will's quarters. She'd finished with her travel arrangements and her packing, but she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she left without telling him she was.

Will answered her chime, bleary-eyed and disheveled. She'd woken him up. "Oh, I'm sorry, Will, I--"

"It's all right, Deanna." Even when half-asleep he was jovial. "Do you want to come in?"

She caught the plea in his eyes and voice, but strengthened her resolve. "I can't, Will. I only came to say goodbye." The plea in his eyes vanished and turned into a blue ocean of indescribable anguish that threatened to drown her. "I'm leaving in the morning for Betazed," she finished, averting her eyes from his. She stood uncomfortably for a moment while Will digested her words.

"Well," he finally said. "I hope you have a good trip."

She offered a small smile, bringing her eyes back to look at him. "Maybe I'll have better news for you when I get back." Ignoring his dumbstruck stare at her, she turned and went back to her quarters.


	5. So we've been told and some choose to be...

Rainbow Connection #5: So we've been told and some choose to believe it.

Riker stared after her, searching her retreating form for the glimmer of hope that had just escaped her. "Maybe she'll have better news," he murmured. Had she said it to give him hope, or to give it to herself?

_Women,_ he thought sourly, crawling back into his bed. _They'll never make any sense to me._ He paused in his thinking, sliding his arm pensively under his head. Should he see her off tomorrow? He could be suave, debonair, kiss her hand in farewell…no, too much. But he could wish her a safe trip, and be the last thing she sees before the transporter takes her away…

No, he decided abruptly, cutting off the romantic imaginings of saying goodbye to her. As much as he wanted to, it would be the wrong thing to do. Deanna wasn't going on a mission, for God's sake--she was looking for distance. From him. Going to see her off was indeed a bad idea.

_But,_ he thought, all thoughts of going back to sleep leaving him, _the whole situation is somewhat of a bad idea._ The more he thought about it, the more the idea of dating someone he'd already dated sounded bad to his ears. That was the philosophy he'd mostly lived by, after all. Live and let die. Pick 'em up, try 'em out, move 'em out.

Grouchily he rolled over, adjusting the blanket as tersely as if it were his uniform. So what if it seemed bad? It was like that old cliché…if loving her is wrong, he didn't want to be right. Deanna was right. The old motto was wrong.

So why was he having this discussion with himself? He had to be on duty in four hours.

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Deanna stared out her cabin window aboard the _U.S.S. Orinoco_, mulling over her parting words to Riker. "Stupid girl," she chided herself softly. "'Maybe I'll have better news' indeed." She felt awful, having no idea what possessed her to mutter the damning phrase. As if she hadn't been mean enough, getting his hopes up on the Ba'ku planet. Now she'd given him false hope yet again.

Sending him mixed signals…she wasn't some adolescent girl. Mixed signals were supposed to be a thing of the past, something done in teenaged years. It was just plain rude to string someone along. Saying she couldn't love him that way, then giving him hope…what was she thinking? Was she thinking at all?

"Bridge to Counselor Troi," the intercom interrupted. "We'll be in orbit around Betazed within the hour."

"Acknowledged," she answered, her strong voice belying the sea of insecurities and confusion within her. Here she was again, not thinking. The second she set foot on her home planet, her mother would know about her and Will, all the things she felt and didn't feel, and her mother would harangue her until she finally grew tired of it and vowed to remain unmarried for all eternity.

"A fine mess," she muttered dejectedly. "I have feelings that I can't explain, and most I shouldn't even have. I've likely made it worst, first by leaving the _Enterprise_ and second by coming home, and now I'm muttering to myself."

She glanced out again, watching the stars streak by with their usual warp-speed quickness. "I must figure things out. It would be unfair to do anything else." Standing, she went and ordered a hot chocolate from the replicator and sipped it pensively.

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A special hug and thanks to everyone who's reviewed: Little Red, Kathy, Slayer, Puckmom,Olivia7, Catty, Jessika Organa Solo, Staran, AngelWings8, Lori6, JD11, Rose, Nymph, Puddlejumper, Becky, Lerie, Jahzara, Trekkie101, Geller Bing, Sarajayne, Augusta, Adpi24, and Jupiter-Fire…you're an awesome collection of people who were very generous with their praise and useful in their criticism. It is due to you all that this story is no longer dead, and my greatest wish is that you continue enjoying, reviewing and/or critiquing.

An extra-special glomp to Dusha: May you ever be Samwise and Merry, with a dash of Pippin. Don't go where I can't follow.

And to everyone else…a toothbrush and toothpaste. Be sure to get rid of those cavities I've just bestowed upon you. Please leave a comment on your way out. wink


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